hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How does one acquire holy water?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
