...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
