Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
