very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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