Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
