his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
