So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
