Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
