I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
