Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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