I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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