she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
