can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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