standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
