everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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