And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
