well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
