could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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