i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
