I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
