suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
