It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
