I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
