And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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