you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
