I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
