we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
