Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
