Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
