I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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