I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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