i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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