Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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