my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Girls should come with a carfax report
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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