this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so let's talk penis.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
