i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
