i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
