I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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