I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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