I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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