the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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