I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
