I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
