have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
