plz talk dirty to me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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