i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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