there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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