if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
