Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
