cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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