Define "chronic" masturbator.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
