i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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